It is well with my soul

Recently I heard this hymn, and it really touched my heart. It is absolutely beautiful, but more than that, the story behind the song makes it incredibly touching, inspirational, and meaningful.

You can find the story here

My two favorite versions of this song are done by The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Anthem Lights. This song has lifted me over the last few months of really difficult trials and feeling forsaken by God. It has helped me overcome many of those feelings of darkness, feeling like I am suffocating in stress and fear, and feeling forsaken. It reminds me that He is there through every heartache and trail. With His help, I am learning to also say "It is well with my soul"

'It Is Well With My Soul'

Written by Horatio Spafford Composed by Philip Bliss

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul."

Selfishness

Yesterday as I was shoveling the driveway I had to smile thinking about how my husband and I were throwing gender rolls out the window. I was outside shoveling and he was inside watching our chidren (the arrangement was my idea). As I chuckled about that to myself, I started thinking about teamwork in marriage.

*Before I go any further I want to make it very clear that Mr. and I are not perfect. We have come to these thoughts because we have been striving to better our own lives. The positive things we do stem from lots of prayer, talking, and hard work. We, as everyone else in the world, have a long way to go.

 Mr. and I make a pretty good team. We both take on our share of responsibility and we both help each other in our roles within the family. We also work together. We do dishes, laundry, cleaning the family room, etc together. We have found that working together eliminates a lot of selfishness.  When you work together it makes it impossible for thoughts like "ugh I wish she/he would do her/his chore" "I wish they pulled their weight" "I wish they did this a different way" "I did his/her chore for them. They owe me."
Working together also gives us time to talk and improve.

The above is just a small part of selfishness that can enter into a marriage. So instead of touching on every other situation I will just leave the following quotes below.

Marriage topic on lds.org
>" Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither person exercising dominion over the other, but with each encouraging, comforting, and helping the other"
> "Couples should work together to manage their finances and cooperate in establishing and following a budget. Wise money management and freedom from debt contribute to peace in the home."

Building an Eternal Marriage Manual
> “Be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things” (2 Nephi 1:21).
>Marriage allows [our] different characteristics to come together in oneness—in unity—to bless a husband and wife, their children and grandchildren."  in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74; student manual, 345)
> "Selfishness can act as a wedge in marriage. It manifests itself in a variety of ways."

I encourage all of you to find the wedges of selfishness in your lives and remove them.

"Selfishness is the antithesis of love."
--President Gordon B. Hinckley

Contention

I am sorry for not posting the last few weeks. It has been a crazy couple weeks with family being in town and other busy things.


Today I wanted to focus on overcoming contention. I will primarily focus on contention within marriage, but the principles can apply to any sort of relationship, parent/child, siblings, friends, ect.

3 Nephi 11:29
Book of Mormon
"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another."

So if contention is of the devil, we must do all we can to overcome it. But how? It can be one of the hardest things to overcome. Heavenly Father created us to have different ways of viewing the world, different personalities. He did this because when different personalities work in harmony great things can happen. However, these different personalities can lead to conflict which then leads to contention.

I found it so amazing that one of the talks given in church today focused partly on contention in marriage (I know that wasn't a coincidence). I LOVED the words he shared. He talked about two rocks knocking against one another, that by definition is conflict, but with just conflict alone the rocks become smooth TOGETHER. Contention begins when we let the conflict cause us to become angry or offended. 

There have been times in our marriage where my husband and I may disagree on something and we can have a very calm open discussion about it. We leave the discussion with better insights, new plans, and an increased appreciation for one another. There are times, though, when we both take offence, or we feel attacked, even though an attack was definitely not intended. What is the difference? The difference is humility. When we are humble we are open to the Spirit of God, who can teach and bring peace.

Part of bringing humility to marriage is choosing individually and as a couple to serve God. As you do so, you will draw closer to the Lord and you will be able to see each other through God's eyes. One way to serve God is to serve each other. In times where my husband and I seem to be a little rough around the edges we make a goal for that week to do something to serve one another each day. We then talk about it at night before we go to bed, to create accountability and to help us see different ways in which we serve each other. It is amazing to see the changes that happen over one week, or two, or three, or however long we decide to do it. It helps us get into the habit and mindset of serving one another. Charity never faileth.

Moroni 7:45-47
"45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."

Elder Boyd K. Packer once said "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior"

I want to apply this principle to marriage. Understanding your spouse changes attitudes and behavior.

So what does that mean?

Elder Bednar says “The word understanding as used in the scriptures does not refer solely or even primarily to intellectual or cognitive comprehension. Rather, when the Holy Ghost confirms in our hearts as true what we know in our minds, understanding occurs."

One of the best ways to gain an understanding of our spouses is to talk to Heavenly Father about them. He knows them better than you. He can help you know what they need, he can help you see into their hearts. There have been times where I am talking to Heavenly Father and He helps me understand my husband in a way I hadn't understood him before. This helps resolve any contention in my heart that may have been there.

Here are a few ways my husband and I CHOOSE to overcome contention.

• Set goals to serve one another
• Pray to Heavenly Father for and about each other. Ask each morning what your spouse needs that day. Have a piece of paper to write down your thoughts.
• At the end of each day we give each other two compliments. Things we noticed the person do well that day. 
• Along with compliments we include one thing we are grateful to each other for that day.
• We pray every morning AND night. It is so important to begin your day and end your day, hand in hand, praying to Heavenly Father. 
• Every Sunday evening we talk about success as a couple and individuals for the past week. Then we set individuals, couple, and family goals for the coming week. Every evening we review how we did that day for goals. (We always have at least one goal be a goal that will strengthen us Spiritually)
• We read scriptures together as a couple each night
• We pray for others
• Kisses before every departure and at every return, even if we happen to be grumpy at the moment.
• Being open and honest. 
• Being humble
• Being quick to ask for forgiveness
• Dates EVERY week. We are poor and can't go out very often, so we get creative. :) We most recently found questions online and played a newlywed game! 
• Try to sit next to each other and hold hands as much as possible, at home, at church, etc.
• Going to the Temple. We trade off each week going while the other stays home with the kiddos. And we try to at least once a month or every other month to go together.

There are many other little things we try to do each day to help lift one another. There is a Quaker proverb that says "Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee, and we’ll ascend together”

You CAN overcome contention. Turn to the Lord and he will direct you!

Proverbs 3:6
Old Testament
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.




Next Time: Overcoming the difficulty of keeping the Sabbath Day Holy.

Anxiety: Part 2

"Keep trudging through the darkness, even when it feels like you aren't moving forward; for when a little bit of light finally shows through, you might realize you have made far more progress than you thought."

--Beautiful thought from my wonderful friend, Becca Luck.--


I love the quote above. The fight over anxiety is a dark one and so often it is a 'two steps forward one step back' type of thing...but progress is being made, that is what is important.


So how have I been able to make progress and overcome a lot of my anxiety?


The number one reason is through Christ's Atonement. I have spent many moments praying to Father and laying my anxiety at the feet of Christ. He has lifted me and soothed my soul. He has brought so much healing. I learned, though, that it wasn't enough to just pray for healing... I had to put forth my own effort as well.


One especially difficult day in January I was praying and the very powerful thought came to me. Here is the direct quote of that thought from my prayer journal. "When feeling broken and blue and overcome with satan's power, pray. Tell Heavenly Father what you know to be true. The Spirit is the Spirit of truth. So as you talk about what you know to be true, light will replace darkness as the influence of the Spirit comes back into your life."

I have seen MIRACLES as I have applied that personal revelation from the Lord. I begin a prayer and plead for help, and then follow that with things like "I know thou lovest me, I know my husband loves me, I know the my children are precious spirits." They thoughts can even be "I know the sky is blue, I know there are stars in the sky." Those are still truths, and since Heavenly Father and the Savior created this world we live in, the Spirit can testify of those truths as well. Those things, like a blue sky, are the way Heavenly Father intended them to be. 

When I have the Spirit back in my heart I can easily recognize if the thoughts are from satan. I can shun the anxiety and the Spirit replaces the angst with peace.

John 14:16-18
16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

In my study this week on anxiety I also found this excellent story. It gives a new perspective on the burden of anxiety. Here is a snippet of the story "I had been pleading with Heavenly Father to remove my anxiety and despair, but without these trials, I might not reach whatever “promised land” He was leading me to." You can find the article here: https://www.lds.org/liahona/2014/10/upon-the-top-of-the-waters?lang=eng

I know that through Christ's Atonement we can all be healed. Maybe not in this life, but in the next. Until then we can work hard, WITH Christ, and overcome one step at a time. 

Next week: Overcoming Contention. 

Anxiety: Part 1

Ever since I can remember I have had anxiety. I couldn't put a name to it as a child, but some of my earliest memories are of feeling anxious (now as a mother it breaks my heart to look back on childhood Emily).

As a child I remember vividly not being able to fall asleep until my parents got home from date nights. I would lay in bed, worrying that they were going to die in a car accident, until I heard the garage door open and then I could drift off to sleep. I remember just standing by my window watching for tornadoes. Many times during road trips we would drive during the night and I would sit in the back seat watching my dad as he drove. I wouldn't take my eyes off of him so that if he started to nod off to sleep I could wake him up before we got into an accident that would kill us (Side note: My dad never did nod off) These are just a some of the FEW anxieties that I had as a child. As I grew my anxieties transformed into different topics and situations. Even though the anxieties have been different, they have always been there.

I am not sure how many times right after I got married that I would sob to my husband about how I would never overcome anxiety. I saw NO hope. I felt like there was no point in trying to get better, because it wouldn't work. I felt like my husband deserved a wife anxiety free, and I would never be that for him. The truth is that was Satan trying to keep me bound...the truth is...there is hope. I can be better, even if my anxiety never fully goes away (which I am sure it will be a lifelong battle). I can have more control over the thoughts and feelings that come. I can work and work, I can fight and fight. I don't have to let Satan have control over my weakness and use it against me. I will rely on the words and promises of the Lord. I will rely on the Savior's Atonement.

Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I will give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong unto them."

This scripture was always a little confusing to me. How can my weakness become a strength. I see it now. Because of my anxiety I am hyper sensitive to how others are feeling in any given moment. I have the chance to write a blog about what has helped me in hopes of helping others. My anxiety has drawn me closer to the Lord. All of these are strengths.

Ether 12:28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weaknesses, and I will show unto them that faith, HOPE, and charity bringeth unto me- the fountain of all righteousness."

Please don't give up hope. Ever! There have been times where I have felt like I have good control over my anxiety, and then I will slip into a time of anxiety (seriously though... I went out to the garage like 30 minutes ago for something and found a colony of spiders...big ones, baby ones, terrifying looking ones, one that may have been a black widow-but scurried away(into a hole in the wall...GAH.) before I could get a good look...and now I am freaking out...I just stood there for like fifteen minutes freaking out. Worrying about them coming into the house and biting my babies.) So anyway, during those days or weeks or even months when my anxiety is running away with my hope, faith, peace, and sanity, I just have to hold on tight and fight. We can overcome this, I know it.

Next week: Tools, scriptures, and talks that have helped me take control of my anxiety. 

Overcome

First a few thoughts on why I am beginning this blog, and then I will write some thoughts on what it means to overcome.

Over the last four years my life has changed dramatically. Not only has my life changed by adding a husband and children to the mix, but I have struggled, succeeded, fallen, and overcome many times trying to better myself and my life. I have spent countless hours on my knees crying to Heavenly Father for help to overcome the struggles in my life. He has been incredibly merciful and provided me with hope and council. One piece of council that Heavenly Father has given me is to have a little notebook with me as I pray so that I can write down thoughts and feelings. Over and over again that little notebook has been filled with guidance, hope, chastisement, mercy, and love. There have been many times that I have written something down and thought "wow, this thought could help so many people." Then yesterday as I was praying about how to use the gifts I have been given to uplift those around me I had a very clear and distinct thought that I needed to start a blog and share these thoughts and insights. Along with that thought came very clear direction that the name and focus of this blog needs to be overcoming. Overcoming trials, sin, sadness, weaknesses, etc. through Heavenly Father's help and through Jesus Christ's Atonement.

So each week I will be posting on a topic that I feel impressed to study and write about. At the end of each post I will write what I will be focusing on in the next weeks post (I will try and post every Sunday). Over the week I will ponder, study scriptures, talks, and other tools related to the topic and post what I have learned.

This blog is not only to help those around me, but I still have a long way to go myself. I need all the help I can get. I hope and pray that my studies will help you and me!

So for this first post I wanted to focus on the idea of overcoming. I find it very interesting that you can either be overcome by something, or you can overcome something. I love the opposition in that. We can overcome what overcomes us.

I love the scripture in Romans that says "Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." Any moment we feel week or overcome, we can bring goodness into our lives and it will help us overcome whatever evil besets us.

Above all we can overcome all because the Savior first overcame it all. He is our Reedemer, our Savior. He is our Shepard. He will lead us through our struggles and we will be able to, with His help, overcome. John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world yes shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

There is a song called Be An Overcomer by Mandisa. I love the lyrics and how they have so many beautiful truths within the words. The lyrics are bellow:

"Whatever it is you be going through
I know He's not gonna let it get the best of you
You're an overcomer

Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

Everybody's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, you're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants you to know

You're an overcomer."

Next week's topic: Anxiety