Anxiety: Part 1

Ever since I can remember I have had anxiety. I couldn't put a name to it as a child, but some of my earliest memories are of feeling anxious (now as a mother it breaks my heart to look back on childhood Emily).

As a child I remember vividly not being able to fall asleep until my parents got home from date nights. I would lay in bed, worrying that they were going to die in a car accident, until I heard the garage door open and then I could drift off to sleep. I remember just standing by my window watching for tornadoes. Many times during road trips we would drive during the night and I would sit in the back seat watching my dad as he drove. I wouldn't take my eyes off of him so that if he started to nod off to sleep I could wake him up before we got into an accident that would kill us (Side note: My dad never did nod off) These are just a some of the FEW anxieties that I had as a child. As I grew my anxieties transformed into different topics and situations. Even though the anxieties have been different, they have always been there.

I am not sure how many times right after I got married that I would sob to my husband about how I would never overcome anxiety. I saw NO hope. I felt like there was no point in trying to get better, because it wouldn't work. I felt like my husband deserved a wife anxiety free, and I would never be that for him. The truth is that was Satan trying to keep me bound...the truth is...there is hope. I can be better, even if my anxiety never fully goes away (which I am sure it will be a lifelong battle). I can have more control over the thoughts and feelings that come. I can work and work, I can fight and fight. I don't have to let Satan have control over my weakness and use it against me. I will rely on the words and promises of the Lord. I will rely on the Savior's Atonement.

Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I will give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong unto them."

This scripture was always a little confusing to me. How can my weakness become a strength. I see it now. Because of my anxiety I am hyper sensitive to how others are feeling in any given moment. I have the chance to write a blog about what has helped me in hopes of helping others. My anxiety has drawn me closer to the Lord. All of these are strengths.

Ether 12:28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weaknesses, and I will show unto them that faith, HOPE, and charity bringeth unto me- the fountain of all righteousness."

Please don't give up hope. Ever! There have been times where I have felt like I have good control over my anxiety, and then I will slip into a time of anxiety (seriously though... I went out to the garage like 30 minutes ago for something and found a colony of spiders...big ones, baby ones, terrifying looking ones, one that may have been a black widow-but scurried away(into a hole in the wall...GAH.) before I could get a good look...and now I am freaking out...I just stood there for like fifteen minutes freaking out. Worrying about them coming into the house and biting my babies.) So anyway, during those days or weeks or even months when my anxiety is running away with my hope, faith, peace, and sanity, I just have to hold on tight and fight. We can overcome this, I know it.

Next week: Tools, scriptures, and talks that have helped me take control of my anxiety. 

Overcome

First a few thoughts on why I am beginning this blog, and then I will write some thoughts on what it means to overcome.

Over the last four years my life has changed dramatically. Not only has my life changed by adding a husband and children to the mix, but I have struggled, succeeded, fallen, and overcome many times trying to better myself and my life. I have spent countless hours on my knees crying to Heavenly Father for help to overcome the struggles in my life. He has been incredibly merciful and provided me with hope and council. One piece of council that Heavenly Father has given me is to have a little notebook with me as I pray so that I can write down thoughts and feelings. Over and over again that little notebook has been filled with guidance, hope, chastisement, mercy, and love. There have been many times that I have written something down and thought "wow, this thought could help so many people." Then yesterday as I was praying about how to use the gifts I have been given to uplift those around me I had a very clear and distinct thought that I needed to start a blog and share these thoughts and insights. Along with that thought came very clear direction that the name and focus of this blog needs to be overcoming. Overcoming trials, sin, sadness, weaknesses, etc. through Heavenly Father's help and through Jesus Christ's Atonement.

So each week I will be posting on a topic that I feel impressed to study and write about. At the end of each post I will write what I will be focusing on in the next weeks post (I will try and post every Sunday). Over the week I will ponder, study scriptures, talks, and other tools related to the topic and post what I have learned.

This blog is not only to help those around me, but I still have a long way to go myself. I need all the help I can get. I hope and pray that my studies will help you and me!

So for this first post I wanted to focus on the idea of overcoming. I find it very interesting that you can either be overcome by something, or you can overcome something. I love the opposition in that. We can overcome what overcomes us.

I love the scripture in Romans that says "Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." Any moment we feel week or overcome, we can bring goodness into our lives and it will help us overcome whatever evil besets us.

Above all we can overcome all because the Savior first overcame it all. He is our Reedemer, our Savior. He is our Shepard. He will lead us through our struggles and we will be able to, with His help, overcome. John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world yes shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

There is a song called Be An Overcomer by Mandisa. I love the lyrics and how they have so many beautiful truths within the words. The lyrics are bellow:

"Whatever it is you be going through
I know He's not gonna let it get the best of you
You're an overcomer

Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

Everybody's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, you're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants you to know

You're an overcomer."

Next week's topic: Anxiety